Rejoicing in God's Giftings

Today during worship CB sang a solo. Using a soundtrack for the first part of the song and accompyaning by playing accoustic guitar later I watched as he struggled during the soundtrack part to not play the guitar. It struck me how much a part of himself his talent and giftings are. It made me think about the giftings and talents that God has given us and how many of us don't even know what they are much less use them and so few ever release them in their lives enough to have to struggle to not have them pour out of our lives in an unconscious stream. This is what I stopped to write in my journal.

"What an amazing thing to see God's people reveling in the giftings he has bestowed on us. To enjoy and use the giftings God has given us - what more is there?

What would it be like if all God's children could experinece this? What would it be like if I could be a part of helping women find this release and purpose in their lives?"

Ministry vs Relationships

"People won't remember what you did. People won't remember what you said. But people will remember how you made them feel." ---Maya Angelou

Something happened to me last night that God used in a powerful way. A friend canceled out for the second time at the last minute for a meeting with me. A meeting that was part of her ministry calling, helping me to clarify God's purpose in my life. That friend was busy both times with ministry stuff that had to be done. I understand. I have and am there. Please understand that this entry is not about her, not about criticizing or judging her. I completely understand where she is right now, and it will not effect our friendship. There is no question about forgiveness I forgave her the minute she called to tell me that she couldn't make the appointment. But it hurt my feelings. That "to do things" was more important than me. Ok that is a bit of a pride thing, I know, and it is my problem not hers to deal with.

But as I drove home thinking about this God began to show me in my life how I had let this (keeping busy with ministry stuff) become such a part of my life lately. Being busy, doing things, ministry things, things for God. I had become so busy I had no room for relationships. God began to show me what His heart was. How he desired ministry to look like.

I have felt God's call into ministry since the summer before I went into high school. That was in 1970. It has taken this long to figure out how a woman (a single one at that) can serve in a ministry capacity in the church (or anywhere else for that matter) beyond being a pastor's wife, a missionary, or working with children; none of which I felt called to do, no matter how hard I tried to feel that particular calling). It has also taken that long for God to build in me a foundation for ministry and show me what it is he has put in my heart to tell the world. But I am getting sidetracked. Since it feels like soon God will be releasing me to work in a "ministry", eventually even full time, I have been thinking a lot about what that may mean and what it will look like. To me, to people around me, to God. Most of all to God. Last night God gave me a glimpse into what is so important to the people around you that you are ministering to. Especially when you don't have time to minister to them because you are to busy doing the things, the stuff, that comes with being responsible for a ministry. What God showed me last night, what has been in my mind and heart all night, a restless night, all morning, is this:

"People are more important than ministry"

There will always be paperwork to do, deadlines to do, to do lists to get accomplished. There will always be stuff to do. But a ministry is nowhere if you don't have the people you are to be ministering to.

When I couldn't sleep, I got up to pray and read my Bible - I knew I wouldn't sleep until I heard what Father was trying to whisper in my heart. The story about the shepherd and the lost lamb came to mind. (John 15:1-7) I know that references Jesus' heart for us. But for the first time I saw another application. (Don't you just love the Word? It has so many ways to speak to your life at any given moment!?) The shepherd had a lot of responsibilities, a whole list of things to do, 99 other sheep to look after, feed, protect, probably even a dog or two to help with the keeping the sheep together. Surely one little lamb gone missing was less important than those other 99, and what about the helpers, those dogs...He was responsible for the dogs too. But the shepherd chose to leave all that go to find that lost lamb; to spend time making sure that one lamb was taken care of at that moment in time.

Another verse that came to mind was John 15:13. To lay down our life for our friends. Traditionally this references what Jesus has done for us. I also have thought about it meaning that you love someone enough to die for them. But last night, I also wondered what other applications it might have to life today as we know it.

I looked up the definition of lay. Quite an array of meanings. But at the bottom was the definition for lay down

lay down
To give up and surrender: laid down their arms.
To specify: laid down the rules.
To store for the future.
Nonstandard To lie down

Now the opportunities for dying for people may not be many. But the opportunity to give up surrender my own agenda to spend time with them - priceless. I would like to look up the Greek word for this passage "to lay down your life". But last night God stirred in my heart, broke open in my heart a new way to think about ministry. Now I have always known this on a certain level. Of course, ministry IS about people. But sometimes we can't tell that because of all the busy-ness or the business of ministry. Rushing around to get things done. But when you drill down, at the bottom, the bottom line, ministry is people, one person at a time. That is what God broke my heart open to last night. That is what broke my heart when I realized how much I have not known that. How many times I have felt that people are intruding on my time; don't they understand I have responsibilities, things to do, deadlines to meet? This has shook me to the foundation and laid me bare and helpless in front of an all loving God who would consider tapping me on the shoulder to show me this important lesson. It broke my heart as He brought to mind the tone in my Father's voice last week when I told him I was too busy at church to find a night to go to his house to spend time visiting with him, or the look on my mother's face as I ran out the door to another meeting at church, her saying you aren't going to be home tonight...Again? I miss you when you aren't here. Or the women in my small group that I lead that I haven't had the time to email encouragement and a note that they are missed when they haven't been able to come to group.

Drill down: people; one person at a time; this is what ministry is all about; what it is only about.

Thank you Father for showing me this, help me to never forget this. I admit that I have been and am prone to getting caught up in the things of life and forgetting the people of life. I have failed miserably in this. Help me to see the singular person in the sea of people. Help me to see the singular of ministry, not the business or the busy-ness. Forgive me for putting my to-do list above people; the individuals you have put in my path, your precious children, your precious creations, your precious souls you want to draw into your kingdom. Never let me forget this lesson in the rush of daily life.